And it Rained

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The Congress of America

Light on? or off?

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pi tatoo

Doctor Doctor

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by! Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one? " I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six ours and now I'm running out of places to put It!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion She answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson

6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"
She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, 'I wish I was an Oscar MeyerWiener'!".
Dr. wouldn't submit his name

Jump

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Polar Bear Friday

Stuart Brown describes Norbert Rosing's striking images of a wild polar bear playing with sled dogs in the wilds of Canada's Hudson Bay.
The photographer was sure that he was going to see the end of his huskies when the polar bear materialized out of the blue, as it were:

Obviously it was a well-fed Bear...

The Polar Bear returned every night that week to play with the dogs..

Mars

Get rid of Telemarketing

Every time you get a call you consider junk, just ask the questions in this script.
1. ``Are you calling to sell something?'' (or ``is this a telemarketing call?'')
2. ``Could you tell me your full name please?''
3. ``And a phone number, area code first?''
4. ``What's the name of the organization you're calling for?''
5. ``Does that organization keep a list of numbers it's been asked not to call?''
6. ``I would like my number(s) put on that list. Can you take care of that now?''
7. ``And does the company you work for also make telemarketing calls for any other organizations?'' (If they answer no, skip the next question.)
8. (If yes) ``Can you make sure your company won't call me for any other organization?''

You may need to ask to speak with a supervisor if they sound lost. When you're ready to let them off, you might close with ``Is it clear that I never want telemarketing calls from anyone?'' and just say goodbye. If you feel like making them pay, keep going:

1. ``Will your company keep my number on its do-not-call list for at least ten years?''
2. ``And does your company have a written policy that says that on paper?''
3. ``Can you send me a copy of it?''
4. ``What's your supervisor's first and last name?''
5. ``What's your employer's business name, address and main telephone number?''
6. ``Are you calling for a tax-exempt nonprofit organization?''
7. ``Is this call based on a previously established business relationship?''

Before hanging up, check you have all their answers written down, then say goodbye. Add the date and time to your record.

I hate telemarketers and this will certainly make them squirm. In the states this script has more teeth, but in Canada, it will simply make them uncomfortable, which is after all, the Canadian way.

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Supper

The room mate put some food? on the barbeque and then ran upstairs for a quick look at Facebook. Well, he tried, , , tried and failed that is.

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