Really - Don't do it

Smoooth -- Turkish Smooth

Gorgeous Ex

This morning I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend who called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that 'old magic.'

I was flabbergasted. 'I don't know if I could keep pace with you now,', I said, 'I'm a bit older and a bit grayer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have.'

She just giggled and said she was sure I would 'rise to the challenge.' 'Yeah.' I said. 'Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my lack of muscle tone...stuff sagging, my teeth not as white and jowls like a Great Dane!

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me, saying that tubby, gray-haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover.

Anyway, she giggled, 'I've put on a few pounds myself!'

So I hung up …

The Congress of America

Dogs Cows and Cats

Light on? or off?

721 Claps Per Second - video powered by Metacafe

Love me, I'm ugly

pi tatoo

Doctor Doctor

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs -and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Submitted by! Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one? " I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six ours and now I'm running out of places to put It!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion She answered..."Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson

6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
Submitted by RN no name

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"
She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, 'I wish I was an Oscar MeyerWiener'!".
Dr. wouldn't submit his name

Vista -- The new Melenium

Vista or Mac Ad, depending on how you look at it.

Got Style

No Motivation allowed

Diet WHAT!!??

Rednecks R us

A lighthouse

Ball! Go THERE!

The Master Of Balls - video powered by Metacafe

Treats

Geek Fashion

Keyboard Bag - video powered by Metacafe

Jump

Insane Jumping Skills - Watch more free videos

Mini Race

RC Car Beats Mini Cooper - Watch more free videos

Spoons

Wooden Spoon Prank - Watch more free videos

Worlds largest beer fridge

An amazing Art Piece

Super Super Soaker Collection

Find X

Ahmed, the Dead Terrorist by Jeff Dunham

Sheep - Jasper, Canada

Hand Drawn

Dumb Brilliant Kid

Open the curtains please

Amazing Rube Goldberg - Watch more free videos

Heaven at five

I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if
they understood the concept of getting to heaven.



I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage
sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?"



"NO!" the children answered.



"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept
everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"



Again, the answer was, "NO!"



By now I was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!



"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all
the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into
Heaven?" I asked them again.



Again, they all answered, "NO!"



I was just bursting with pride for them. "Well," I continued,
"then how can I get into Heaven?"



A five-year-old boy shouted out,







"YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!"

Rather Odd and Amusing -- Animation

By Aliens?

The party is over

Skateboarding Dog

Halloween children from Hell

Toyota Supra Fast

Cat from Mars

Get the light

She Yodels

11 Year Old Girl Yodels - Watch more free videos

He was on the Big Screen

Stadium Watches Kid Pass Out At Game - Watch more free videos

Polar Bear Friday

Stuart Brown describes Norbert Rosing's striking images of a wild polar bear playing with sled dogs in the wilds of Canada's Hudson Bay.
The photographer was sure that he was going to see the end of his huskies when the polar bear materialized out of the blue, as it were:

Obviously it was a well-fed Bear...

The Polar Bear returned every night that week to play with the dogs..

Mars

Finally, a use for a cigarette